This weekend I passed an old church in Upstate New York. Outside a sign said: “EPISCOPAL CHURCH. Organized February 20, 1811 by Rev. Samuel Fuller who built church in 1815 and served as Rector for thirty-one years.”
It’s in a snow-covered town up in the Catskill mountains, where the temperatures stay cold. I pictured the old fellow deciding to build his own church there. I imagined the tough winters and the lack of central heating, and thought about his grit. It was inspirational. I also thought about whether he did it because he wanted to glorify his religion or if there might have been an ego. What would he think of the sign put up in his name? My gut told me he would have liked it. Even if he pretended not to.
I was reflecting on such things after a conversation with my business consultant. We’ve been going over my business plan and she asked me last week, “Matt, how big do you want to be?”
The truth is, I’m not sure. I like being a freelance consultant working on my own. I like having time to be with my son, Freddy. And I like that the business provides my wife and I with the income to raise him. I’m very grateful to have found my way into this line of work. I do work with occasional collaborators on projects, trusted friends whom I know well. They like working with me, and I like working with them. It is a simple business that works, and which I enjoy.
There is a next possible step for someone in my position. It involves hiring staff, creating a company structure and going after bigger contracts. It means bringing more people to meetings and distributing the work. I’ve worked in an agency setting in the past and enjoyed the camaraderie. Likewise, I like the idea of putting my own stamp on such an enterprise. These are our values. This is what we stand for. This is what makes us unique. I like the idea that people would trust people who worked for me on the basis that I had trained them.
But I’m not sure. That church impressed me because the guy had a vision, executed it, and served there for three decades. Likewise, at the end of the day, the guy died. We all die. And I wondered whether it was worth his while in the first place putting up the building. I’ve worked in places—Barclays Bank, for example—where they put the values on the wall. The reality of the way the bank behaved was quite different and I resented the hypocrisy. I mean it when I say integrity matters to me. Words matter to me. They should have weight and power. They should have worth.
My parents are both very confident, bright people. They read each other lines from T.S.Eliot’s poem, Four Quartets, at their wedding in the early 1970s. There were pictures by Paul Klee all over our three-bedroom semi-detached house. They bought flammfest pottery designed and made by Thomas in Germany. They were the first generation in our family to go to college and they earned their place in British life. They worked hard and used their big brains. Likewise, they weren’t ambitious for the sake of it. They both did well in their careers but never needed their name on a building. They felt confident enough in what they stood for that they shied away from taking too much credit. They lived in Croydon. It served as a good example to me and I’m reluctant to “give it the big’n” for the sake of it.
I value authentic relationships, too. I keep my circle of friends small and I pay attention to it. I don’t love the idea of having a wide circle of clients with whom I can’t be as intentional. I don’t love the idea of having to divide my time between too many people. One of the most important things in the world to me is giving good service. When I worked at Starbucks I would always be mindful of the customer above everything. If they were at the counter and wanted to spend money on our coffee they were in charge. I couldn’t fathom it when I saw baristas more intent on doing anything else than smiling and saying hello. Some of the most sacred words in the English language are: “How can I help you?”
I’m curious to hear from you about how ambition and some of these factors have shaped your career path. It’s about ego, values, service, and how much is enough. How do we decide what we want to create? Is it possible to grow a business without compromising on some of these things? Which battles are worth fighting?
Thanks for reflecting with me as I figure out my next move. I’m not intent on moving fast for the sake of it, but I do want to be intentional. I won’t stay small because I lacked courage. I won’t stay small because I got stuck. I’d be very interested to hear your advice and insight as I mull the question over.
How big do you want to be?
