A funny thing happened this weekend. I was chatting with two other parents at a local playground and found myself deep in the chat. It was one of those conversations where thoughts spark off each other. You feel like you’re volleying conversational gambits back and forth across a net. It’s been a while since I had a conversation like that. I had a realization afterwards that I’ve formed some real links in the local community here. It made me feel good.
One of the things we talked about is how much we each loved New York City. One of us said the city was their first love. The other two of us said our partners sometimes talk about living elsewhere. But you’d have to take me out of New York in a box. That’s one of my favorite stock phrases but I do feel it’s true. It’s so nice to meet other people who feel the same. Especially parents my age with children my age. I felt like “I’ve found my people, here.”
When you’re trying to create a thing, no matter what it is, the chances are, your customers will congregate. When they congregate, they’ll do so in part because they love your product. But there’s an extra step that takes them deeper. It’s when they come because they like the product, but then they stick around and get to know each other. They find that they like each other and want to put down roots in those conversations. That’s what keeps people coming back for more. That’s what turns your venture into a hub of the community. It’s like those New York pizza restaurants with pictures of Bon Jovi on the wall eating their slices. They feel like they have been there forever.
This is something New York discovered when it made its parks system. People need a place to congregate and find each other. My wife and I have made most of our neighborhood friends by going to the park. Not online. Not on any apps. In real life. Watching our kids play.
I was also thinking about this in the context of my squash club. I like squash but there are a bunch of clubs. The reason I keep going to the place I go to is I’ve made friends with other people there. It’s the same at church. I like the other people who go. I like the rector. I like the building. When I show up, I find myself having wide-ranging conversations with people. I enjoy those, and I enjoy coming back for more. The purpose of going becomes less about the reasons on the door and more about the people inside it.
You can’t force it. You can’t make people talk to each other. That makes them feel uncomfortable. But you can set the climate. Serve some good coffee. Offer decaf options. Bake some good treats. By doing that, you can be clear about your own values and what made you set up your thing. You can show what drives you. Then you only need confidence that people will step up and surprise you. They’ll decide that they want to contribute. Then someone else decides the same. And before you know it, the thing takes on a life of its own.
Community is free, you can’t buy it, but it’s priceless. There’s a coffee shop on my street full of posers and it’s overpriced. Across the street there’s another coffee shop full of nice people, which costs less money. That’s a picture of it, up at the top. The food is also better. I used to go to the first place and then I discovered the second. I never went back. But I can see that some people prefer the other place. I can only assume that they like to be made to feel bad about themselves. It’s a sad truth. But it keeps a lot of businesses busy. There is just no soul to a place like that, though.
I’m interested: When did you realize you’d “found your people?” What was a community you found yourself enjoying almost by accident? Can you describe it? Thanks for reading, as always.
