A German U-boat sank my great grandfather’s ship in the first world war, and he swam to safety. It’s a simple sentence to write and read, but I imagine that for Captain Frederick Adamson, the time he spent in the water was anything but simple. My great grandmother used to say that her hair “turned white overnight” from the stress. Eventually she gave birth to my grandfather, and his wife to my mother, and she to me. So, I’m very glad he made it. But I sometimes think, “what went through that man’s mind as he was splashing about in the freezing cold water?”
Right now, I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling like a German U-boat sank my ship, too. Watching the world’s richest man perform two Nazi salutes on presidential inauguration day took my legs out from under me. I went through the stages of grief as I processed what I was seeing on the video—ironically enough, a video I watched on the social media platform owned by the Nazi. I’ve been dipping in and out of panic since, and Washington’s changing of the guard has certainly got my attention, to put it mildly.
For a living, I help people tell coherent stories and make positive changes in the world. It’s more difficult for anybody to do that when the people in charge of America depress you. It’s much harder still when feelings of panic set in. If you’re feeling anything like I am, this week, I imagine it’s difficult to prioritize. It’s probably harder still to think about saying anything publicly about what’s on your mind. Chief Executives of nonprofits don’t generally do well, for example, when they write opinion pieces with the headline: “Oh, sh*t.”
Come to think of it, I think that’s probably what my great grandfather thought when he first went into the water. I doubt it was anything much more profound. But nobody sank your ship. You’re not actually in the freezing cold waters of the English Channel in 1917, swimming for survival. What you’re living through is the first days of an extremist administration with some dangerous and narcissistic sociopaths in charge. Panic won’t help.
Here’s my plan, which I think might help you, too:
- Get comfortable. Take some time off. Sleep well. Play a videogame. Enjoy your favorite food (mine is a dish called “cauliflower cheese” right now, cooked with a BBC recipe). Spend some time with the people you love. Do some exercise without going crazy over it.
- Accept that there are going to be moments when your brain runs away into panic and anxiety. They’re natural and frankly, reasonable. Allow these moments to come and go without judging them too harshly, and without necessarily pouring gasoline on the fire when they do. That can be easier said than done, of course, and I’m not saying it’s easy. But I’ve been through worse scrapes than this. The biggest thing I learned was not to feed the catastrophic thoughts. Have a cup of tea, for God’s sake. Have your friends round and watch the basketball.
- Remember that you’re a strong, successful person with the respect and trust of the community you respect and trust. Repeat it to yourself occasionally. Sometimes I find prayer helps—even when you’re an atheist, oddly. I just repeat the Lord’s Prayer, sometimes, or talk to myself about how I’m doing. If I start with the question, “how’s it going, Matt?” I often find a reasonable stream of reflective consciousness follows. If you can find a belief in God amongst all that difficulty then all the better, but I’m not judging your faith and I’m certainly not here to profess mine.
- Write down what you stand for in a few words. If you’re not sure, it’s fine to just say, “be nice to people who deserve it, and avoid those who don’t.” That’s a good enough credo for all of us, I think, right now.
- Put one foot in front of the other for a bit. You’ll feel better eventually. But don’t rush it.
Let me know how it goes. And thanks for reading, as always. Please share this email with anybody you feel might appreciate it.
Matt Davis is a strategic communications consultant in Manhattan.
